DNF

Lessons in Endurance

It has been almost 4 years since my last race until yesterday, we’re talking about amateur / enthusiast cycling races, also called Gran Fondo (or big ride in Italian).

In 2020 Covid strikes and many of us with too much time left, started doing our usual habits X3! In my case fortunately wasn’t drinking, gambling or something of the sorts (though I had more than the usual table glass of wine for sure), but I started riding my road bike in-house trainer quite a lot, subscribing to all the online AR and gamification apps like Zwift and Rouvy, putting on efforts you wouldn’t normally do, like one day with a friend who lives in NY, we climbed the “virtual” L’Alpe d’Huez and two other epic “Cols” in one-day, which is crazy.

The best fitness level I’ve had so far was around 2019 when I did some Gran Fondos, a 3 day Haute Route (about 350km distance with 5000M+ vertical climb), one 70.3 Ironman, and many heavy-lifting-daughter reps along with her everyday gear.

But suddenly everything changed… we were detached, confined… It felt like moving inside a dense liquid giant jar of ether, a warp zone. I remember traveling for work to a 1.5 hour drive to Valle de Bravo, a weekend retreat town for many that exploded in Real Estate, architecture projects and construction during the Pandemic, crossing the almost phantasmagoric city and streets and coming back without barely seeing anyone except people from my team. And there it was, my bike, the trainer and the computer. And many “Cols” to climb… virtually.

After Covid ended the natural momentum of work accelerated and things demanded immediate attention, plus… I had another newly-born baby daughter during Covid! Training at the same level wouldn’t even be close, new family logistics took place and priorities emerged… the thing is, endurance training is not a good habit I have, it’s not a healthy state of mind or psychological outlet, nor a compensating stress management system or even a community building, networking-social activity… It’s all of the above.

During these past 2 years I’ve struggled to even make 1 ride and some few runs on a week, quoting David Bowie: “But I try, I try!…” This is barely what I need to function at a good level. Endurance is not much about physical fitness gains as much as it is about mental health. Like the infamous Lance Armstrong quote:

“Endurance is what gets you through. 

Endurance is how you last. 

Endurance is how you keep from breaking down --- not in a marathon, but in life.”

LA.

Everyone has their own challenges, problems even demons. How you deal with them is personal but I would say there has to be a balance in life. Too much of anything and It’ll become the opposite of what you're trying to improve.

-Just a quick note here on what Endurance training provides to our body and brain:

“It can lead to the release of various neurotransmitters and neurochemicals that have positive effects on the brain and overall well-being. Some of the key neurochemicals involved include: Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, BDNF, Norepinephrine, Anandamide and Glutamate (check them out!). These neurochemical changes induced by endurance training contribute to the overall positive impact of exercise on brain health, mood regulation, and cognitive function.”

*source: Andrew Huberman

A few days ago my friend Hugo signed me up for a 135km Gran Fondo, one that I’ve done may times, I know the route, the roads and what the challenge is about. I know the bends, switchbacks, pavé sections, mountain views. He almost forced me to do it. I was happy and grateful. When you’ve done a challenge like this many times you somehow know you can always do it again. It’s kind of a limit-bar you virtually have in your brain like one of those things in TV game shows that you hit with a hammer, every time the level pushes the resisting marker higher you have a new limit to achieve. That’s more or less how I take any new life challenge… or tough ride invitation, you’ve already been there regardless of your fitness level, and you know you can push the bar higher… or do you?

Well… for the first time this was a DNF (Did Not Finish). The reality hits hard at first, but then… You start to comprehend the Why’s, the aftermath. To be fair (with me) I did rode 60Km with 1,500m+ of vertical climb, but I started feeling nauseous, my muscle fuel began to empty at an exponential rate in spite of the nutritional system I plotted for the race, my lower-back began to hurt more than I thought (I knew I was week at the core zone due to poor fitness), all red lights started to go on, my thoughts where “I can stop now and listen to my body, feel emotionally terrible but safe… or I can go on, endure and feel worst afterwards, put myself at risk.”

The difference between yesterday’s race and 2019 is that I’m 47 years old (though my Garmin fitness age says I’m 10 years younger, what a relief haha!), my family grew, my work thankfully increased, I have more financial responsibilities and I’m more invested into having more family-time. I’ve also been reading some books about longevity like Peter Attia’s Outlive and Steven Kottler’s Gnar Country, more aware of health, desease prevention and risks.

That was the hand brake.

What’s next, Where do I go from this failed attempt?

Five minutes after the driver secured the bike on the bike-rack, espresso cup in hand from the built-in espresso machine plugged to the truck (we cyclists are coffee looneys), I jumped to the front seat next to him to go follow my friends who were still in the race grinding and giving it all in every section. I started to feel better and doubting my decision, feeling a bit disappointed but then realizing this was just another step into increasing my current fitness and mental health, Why? Because failing is learning and Endurance is the teacher. It’s a fast-track lesson about how you manage yourself.

Back at the race village after my friends finished, another friend who is the event organizer offered me the medal anyways (which I didn’t accept of course)… He said “you still did a big effort there!”… Yeah I said, but I didn’t finished.

I’ll try next year, I will.

H.

view from the car, cheering to my friends still in competition